Some people have a hard time saying no to others. Often it is because they don’t want to hurt their feelings, or come across as mean. It may be that they have a deep desire to be liked and accepted…and believe that to say no may result in disfavor from a close friend or family member. People pleasing is very common and it often has its roots in early childhood experiences. For instance, a child who never received unconditional love or approval from a parent, may find themselves going out of their way to give to or agree with someone…for fear that they might scare the other person away. They won’t say no, even when it is appropriate, and necessary. The Scriptures says that we should “let your yes be yes, and your no be no.”So when is it necessary to say no? Below are five reasons to say no to someone you love.
1.We should say no when it is obvious that what the person is asking for is not something they are ready to receive or able to handle. This is often a situation that parents find themselves in with their children. When the child ask for certain privileges or rights that requires more maturity than they can handle, it is in the child’s best interest for the parent to say no to such a request. Since parents naturally want their children to be happy, it is difficult to say no , even when the reality of the situation indicates that it would be a mistake to give in to the child’s every request.
2. We should say no when we are being asked to do something that goes against our personal convictions or core beliefs. If someone offers us something that is potentially harmful, like taking drugs or going to what might be considered dangerous spaces…a no response is appropriate. This is especially true when one realizes that to do what goes against our convictions or beliefs is a choice. And no matter how persuasive the other person may be, in the final analysis, we are responsible for the consequences.
3. We should say no if what we are being asked to do requires over extending ourselves to the point of jeopardizing our health (spiritual, emotional, physical), or operating outside of our natural talents and gifts. When this happens, in the first instance, we will end up less effective in helping others because of our own unhealthiness. In the second instance, we will be less effective, because our greatest effectiveness in providing service is to do what we do best. This happens when we operate within the realm of our natural gifts and talents, and not based on the demands and expectations of others.
4. We should say no when what we are being ask to do will jeopardize the health and welfare of someone else. The golden rule reminds us that we are to do to others what we would have them to do to us. This continues to be the best guide to inform how we should respond when we are being pressured or coaxed to do harm to another person to satisfy the wishes of someone with ill intent.
5. We should say no when the timing is not right, with the proviso that we might say yes at a more appropriate date in the future. It has been said that God answers our prayers in three ways.He says no, yes, or wait. If God says wait in response to our request, that means he is saying no, for now. And His response will come in His timing, and when we are better able to receive the thing for which we are praying. So it is okay to say no, while understanding that, when the timing is right –that no may very well be turned into a yes.